“Bioluminescent Cave Explorations” by Erin O’Malley
Life is Like an Ocean of Toenail Clippings
Eva Braun survived WW2. She escaped Germany by commandeering a U-boat that she used to travel to Madagascar completely undetected by the Allies. Upon arriving in Madagascar she sold the U-boat to a handicapped turnip farmer named Beatrice. She used the proceeds from the sale of the U-boat to pay for a sex change operation. Two weeks later Eva left Madagascar as an Asian man named Steve. After several years of making his living as a boy toy for rich homosexual jet setters, Steve settled in Hawaii and married a widowed Alaskan Malamute named Pepper. Together, Steve and Pepper produced 9 children and lived peacefully as proprietors of Hawaii’s seventh largest toe nail collection. The toe nail collection was wildly popular with tourists which afforded Steve and his family a rather comfortable life style. Tragically, Steve’s life was cut short in 1967 when the ever-growing toe nail collection finally collapsed on him while he was performing routine maintenance. He was asphyxiated before bulldozers could retrieve him from beneath the 3 tons of toe nail clippings that had piled on his chest.